I was born in the village of D——, in the country of L——, and (like most others) had but one mother, but cannot exactly answer for the number of fathers, as my poor innocent mother had more than once aspersions thrown on her character. One said she was seen, while my nominal father was from home, to go in her nightgown to the barn, where had a few minutes before our man, John Cods, been gone. A servant maid spread abroad that once passing her room she heard a whispering, and, knowing her master to be out, could not resist peeping through the keyhole, where she saw the footman, Samuel, kissing the alabaster bubbies of my mother, purposely exposed for his hot and lascivious embraces. But the latter tale may have been raised by jealousy, as probably the maid feared her Samuel sought pleasure in other arms than hers.

With respect to my name, I suppose it to have descended as the names Sadler and Smith are supposed to have done—from certain aptness in these branches: and as Cockbum and Hitchcock must at some time have made themselves conspicuous in Venus' ecstatic encounters, so will my expressive name. But, my kind readers, I suppose there has been a lover among my female ancestors for that dear, that noble, that lovely engine of man—his Cock.

 As there was nothing particularly occurred in the younger part of my life, I shall pass on to the time when I first went to Miss Twig's Academy, merely remarking that in disposition I was lively, obstinate, and full of every mischief I could manage to get into. As one winter's evening my father, mother, and myself were sitting round the fire, my mother suddenly broke silence as follows— "My dear Lais, your father and I have been thinking that it is time you should go to school, and we think, as Miss Sophy Frigger and your cousin, Lucy Rosecunt, go to Miss Twig's it will be company for you, and no doubt, my dear, you will be happy there."

"Ah, mamma, mayn't I stay at home one more half-year?"

"No, my dear, you are now thirteen, and really you must lose no time, and with such kind companions you'll find yourself at home, and quite comfortable, no doubt."

I quite differed with my mother in opinion, but thought it was useless to say more, and therefore sat myself down in fearful expectation of the day when I was first to make my respects to Miss Twig, not knowing and little imagining what blissful scenes I was there to be made acquainted with.

I prepared immediately, and by the time of my departure was well supplied with frocks, petticoats, shifts, and all the ornamental to set off (as the wicked fellows will have it) my lovely blooming person.

In order that the matter might be talked over, Miss Sophy and Miss Lucy were asked to tea, when my mother said, in conversation with Sophy, "I think I shall get you to take Lais to school with you when you return. Do you think she will like it?"

"Oh yes, ma'am," she answered, with a significant look at Lucy which I did not then understand. "I have no doubt she will, and I shall be happy to introduce her to my lovely playmates."

After a little desultory conversation about the number of scholars and other things, my mother said, "Well, my dears, there is a room up stairs you can go and romp in, I dare say you don't like to be stuck to your chairs." We accordingly adjourned, and did not want subjects for consideration (as girls of our age seldom do,) one of which was my intended visit to Miss Twig's establishment.

"My dear Lais," said Lucy, "you will like our school so, we have such fun. There is a boys' school only a few doors from us, with only a garden fence and a wall between us, and the wicked rascals get from school and bring us letters, and garters, and kisses and all sorts of things, but this is only to a few of us elder girls. I know Sophy and myself can get you to be one of us. Sophy has a tall, stout Hercules, called Longcock, I have a favourite called Thickprick, and Amelia Shoveitin fancies a black-haired, rosy-cheeked Adonis, called by his school-fellows Spunky Tom, because he boasted he could bring as much again as any of them, and when you get there you must pick out one for your Quixote."  ......